9.08.2005

The Preacher's Kid

Preacher's kids are always in a mess. Why must I be a preacher's kid? The church folk expect you to be perfect; I mean I ain't no angel at all. Far be it for me to cut the fool and act insane, but that's what I do best. Whispers in the pews, yeah I hear 'em.

"Lawd, that child needs to be beat."

"She ain't no good, no way."

"I'm glad my child don't act like that."

Who knew saints could think that way. Trying to live in a manner that would uphold the sacred clothe, but I'm just being a child. I wish I could make mistakes the way other children do. Papa's never home. Somebody's sick or somebody's dead, so there he goes. Mama's always in the kitchen baking pies and fanning flies. It ain't fair, ain't fair at all.

"Don't make me tell your Papa," the good deacon said with one breath and with another he cut my Papa down.

Don't they know I can hear them. Don't they know I hear every word. I'm just another story of a preacher's kid.

Posted by Me :: 12:59 PM :: ---------------------------------------

The Girl Is Bad

"Ain't that the preacher's daughter. Uhm, that child is bad. Running around here all fast tailed, uhm now that's sad. That ought not to be so. Don't they tell that child how to act? I mean she is the preacher's kid."

"She knows she ain't saved. Acting all wrong. I don't even know why they let her get away with that. I mean she is the preacher's kid."

Refrain after refrain that's all I hear, the girl is bad. Am I really I wonder still? Can it be that this retort will be my epithet? Here she lays The Preacher's Kid, The Girl Is Bad!

Read The Preacher's Kid

Posted by Me :: 12:54 PM :: ---------------------------------------

Out In The Cold

I stared out the window during the ride in the car. It's a beautiful starry night with it a nightmarish tone. We've been kicked out of the church, cause my daddy preached against sin. Good folks called a vote to decide where we will live. No need to worry cause my daddy's a strong man and won't give them the chance.

That's why I'm here in this crazy position crooked under the mattress. Daddy's singing all off key trying to drown his fear and anger away.

This is the one night that I will surely pray.

Read The Girl Is Bad

Posted by Me :: 12:48 PM :: ---------------------------------------

My Dating Downfall

What is a dating downfall one might ask? Trying to explain is quite a complex task. My dating downfall is a tall, dark, handsome man. And compare his to another man, no one can. He is a dynamic speaker that makes everyone heed his words. And when he is going to speak unto the masses into the building the people rush. Every guy feels that even if he tries, his eyes will never have a chance to meet my eyes. This is all due to one man. The only man that is worthy to be called my dating downfall. He is a wonderful man, I hear his every call. He is so strong, and I know he will never let me fall. But yet he is my dating downfall.

Read Out In The Cold

Posted by Me :: 12:46 PM :: ---------------------------------------

Is That Me?

Is that me staring in the mirror wondering where I went wrong? I let you go because I thought it was right. Can you forgive me for my foolish ways? I want you back.

Is that me thinking of begging for your love all over again? You were the one I thought I loved, but that just ain't so.

Is that me longing, pining for your long lost love? You look at me and walk right by as if we never knew. I don't ask for much just a kind word or two. Did you ever know me?

Is that me looking at you in the arms of another? Pretty than I, I say no. What does she have that I don't. You!

I guess history will record this as such... Is that me who lost his love?

Read My Dating Downfall

Posted by Me :: 12:45 PM :: ---------------------------------------

Deep Dark Pain

Loneliness creeps about. Deep sunk pain in the pit of my gut. I want to cry out in anguish, but alas no sound I can utter. The world knows not my pain. Disgusted, saddened by the affairs of the world. Heroes shot dead, tragic, insane. Madness all about. God, hear my cry and let it be known. This rage is about to overtake me. Will I go crazy looking at this pain? How long will the world make a mockery? It makes no sense, this moral decay. God hear my cry, hear my plea make the storms cease. The songwriter wrote, "Precious Lord, take my hand, I am tired, I am weak, I am worn, at the river, Lord I stand, guide my feet, hold my hand, take my hand precious Lord and lead me on."

Read Is That Me?

Posted by Me :: 12:43 PM :: ---------------------------------------

A Dark Room

I sit alone in a dark room. The air is thick and filled with much gloom. How much longer will this go on. Maybe forever, I don't know. I hear sounds, but no one speaks. Fear, the room reeks with. The smell of incense being burned. But no one lights the fire. To see the light is my one desire. A light that shows. A light that glows. That's all I want to see. I sit alone in a dark room.

Read Deep Dark Pain

Posted by Me :: 12:39 PM :: ---------------------------------------

District Choir Rehearsal

The Greater Absanie District was full of people who thought they were the best of the best. Absanie did have some talented folk in it. Absanie was the only predominantly black city in Maddocha; it would stand to reason that Absanie would be a hot bed of talent in Maddocha. Some of the biggest gospel stars in the state had come from Absanie. The stars never came back and discovered other talent once they left. They just left.

Shirley was caught in the middle of all of this too. Once she became friends with Codetta George, the biggest gospel stars in Maddocha. Codetta didn't even like Shirley. I had heard her say it once. I told Shirley, but she didn't believe me. She didn't speak to me for three weeks after that. All Codetta ever allowed Shirley to do was carry her stuff and do other flunkie jobs like that. Well, Codetta finally showed her true colors. She was supposed to take Shirley with her one summer while she was on tour. Codetta just left town and didn't even call Shirley. Shirley cried for days. I had to console her. I resisted the urge to say, "I told you so."

Shirley and I went to district choir rehearsal. I don't know why we went. We never got to lead any songs or direct the choir. Shirley was a great choir director. The junior choir at her church was the best in the district, but yet, she couldn't direct the district choir. She always went to district choir rehearsal. She would always talk me into coming with her. She would always say, "We're gonna get our chance. Don't worry." She had to be out of her mind.

I had a feeling that this district choir rehearsal was going to be more trouble than anything else. I was right. Codetta George walked into the rehearsal session. At that moment, everything stopped. I looked at Shirley. She had tears in her eyes. She cried at the drop of a dime. It got on my nerves. I held her hands and told her to wipe her face. She still hadn't gotten over how Codetta George had treated her.

Codetta George looked good as she usually did. She always wore the latest fashion, the best jewelry, and the baddest hairdos ever. Her long black flowing hair was pretty. Her smile was big and appealing. She looked like an angel, but Shirley and I had experienced her bad side.

She smiled her big smile and waved her hands as she praised the Lord. She was known for shouting at the drop of a dime. "When you feel the Spirit, it's hard to sit still." She was always saying that. She had a routine and she never varied. I must admit I didn't too much care for Codetta George. After how she had treated Shirley, it had taken time to forgive her.

Codetta looked over the choir. Her eyes stopped and focused on Shirley. Shirley stared back at her. They just sat there staring at each other. After a few seconds, the musician played some notes. Codetta looked at him and then continued to talk, "I am here tonight because I am going to sing a song with you all at the district musical." The whole church went to clapping and praising. The woman next to me almost hit me in the head.

Everyone finally quieted down. Codetta surveyed the choir again and pointed to Shirley. She said, "This is my baby, Shelia. She is going to direct this song for me." I fixed my lips to correct Codetta, but Shirley stopped me before I got the words out of my mouth. Codetta motioned for her to come down from the choir stand. Shirley stood up and walked as if she had been introduced as the queen. I had never seen such pride in Shirley's eyes before. I was so proud of Shirley. She had finally gotten her break. Codetta hugged her just looked at Shirley. It was as if nothing had ever happened between the two of them. Shirley had the same look on her face.

It was a night of magic. Shirley directed like she had been taken over by the greatest director ever. I was impressed myself and I knew what the girl could do. She was truly amazing.

After choir rehearsal, everyone was complimenting Shirley. She was the center of attention. I was so happy for her. When I finally got close to her, Codetta was standing next to Shirley basking in the glory, too. Codetta was acting like she was responsible for everything that Shirley had done. That woman didn't have anything to do with it. Shirley didn't care. She was very happy. After this district meeting, Shirley had become known as one of the baddest young choir directors in the state. Her attitude changed to match.

Read A Dark Room

Posted by Me :: 12:38 PM :: ---------------------------------------

Introduction

"And when you follow the voice of the Lord, He directs your path. You don't need to worry where you going. 'Cause God knows how to lead. He will direct your path." And with a squall, my father's sermon was finished.

I was so glad to, because I was supposed to go see Johnny. I told my parents I was going to Shirley's house after morning service. We had plans to go see our boyfriends that our parents did not know we had.

Shirley and I always had a plan. We had been best friends since we met at a District Meeting when we were 5. We had begun to run around with this girl named Tanya. She was a very bad influence on us, but that's what we wanted, a bad influence. Tanya knew about all the sinful things that Shirley and I had only dreamed of. I still don't understand how we figured we could get away with anything, both Shirley and I having saved, sanctified, Holy Ghost filled parents.

"Be sure your sins will find you out," that's what Mama was always saying. Well, this is one day that the phrase would turn out to be true.

When I saw Shirley and her mother walking towards my father, I knew something crazy had happened. Shirley looked so hurt, it was sad. She had tears forming in her eyes. She was about to break down. Shirley was the weaker of the two of us. She was very sensitive too. It made me mad sometimes.

I began to slowly walk towards Shirley and her mother. Shirley's mother cut her eyes at me and continued on towards my father. My father was talking to the head deacon of our church, Reed's Chapel COGIC.

I reached my father a few seconds after Shirley and her mother did. As I walked up to them, Shirley's mother was yelling, "Your child is got my chil' cuttin' da fool. Old-fast tail gal." Before she could finish, my father ushered her away from the crowd who had begun to look at us.

Shirley's mother was the renaissance Holy woman of God. She was the first person at church. She was the first person to testify or sing when testimony service was opened. She was the first to do anything that was needed at the church. She had an attitude to match her philosophy. She always made Shirley go to the altar. Shirley had been saved and backslidden so many times it had to be a record.

When we got to my father's office, Shirley's mother started fussing again. "Do you know they talkin' bout doing? They talkin' bout going somewhere with some chil' named Tanya or something. That chil' Tanya is that girl from up yonder. Her parents ain't saved and neither is Tanya. They don't even go to church. How you gon' let your chil' be around those heathen."

I looked at my father wanting to interrupt, but when my father held his hand up at me, I knew it was best to just hush. Tanya had been over to our house for dinner. She acted all nice and well mannered. It was strange because when she was with Shirley and I, she was always cussing and acting fast. My father knew who Tanya was.

Before my father began to talk to Shirley's mother, he told Shirley and me to leave his office. My father did not like to let children see adults argue. Shirley's mother did not like the idea of us going outside, but my father insisted.

When we got outside, I looked at Shirley. Shirley looked at me. We knew we weren't going anywhere.

Read District Choir Rehearsal

Posted by Me :: 12:31 PM :: ---------------------------------------